To make the essay better, it needs to sound more professional. Replace personal prounouns and pretend you are writing an essay to the president. Provide a structure to the essay as well, the old one is all over the place.
I would say also make sure you are saying something like Dear (Principal Name) and writing it to your principal. When I read it, I felt it was like you were talking to your friend. Don’t assume your reader knows what you’re talking about and avoid apostrophes in academic essays. You want to make it more professional and academic. Make sure you also explain why security measures are needed clearly and concisely.
